"I had a double life."

Those were some of the first words that came out of the mouth of Terry Crews at a packed UVU arena, and those words changed my life. He spoke about his struggle with pornography since he was eight years old. He described how hard it was to hide it: "...that is so exhausting to be two people."

He stood on stage and shared how he struggled as a kid with shame, abuse, scrupulosity, and unwanted pornography viewing throughout most of his life... and he shared it in front of thousands. I kept looking for some hint of embarrassment on his face, shame, self-deprecation, or personal loathing, and it just wasn't there.

I had never seen anyone so open and vulnerable about this topic in front of the world. Here he was, bulging muscles, life of fame and fortune, a resume as long as Santa's Christmas list. He didn't have to share any of this with us.

...but...he...did.

He did it with strength, understanding, and a desire to bring it into the light so others could let go of their shame and start to heal. He had so much compassion for the little Terry of yesterday, who went through some very hard things, and for those who struggle just like him.

I looked around the audience to see how others reacted to such a sensitive topic. I didn't see disgust, blame, or shame from others, but rather love, compassion, and even understanding. It fractured my brain for a second. I saw this man who had achieved so much, share something that could be condemning without any hesitation. He did it in a healthy, beautiful way. A way that affected many people's lives.

Fast-forward to the Utah Coalition Against Pornography 2026 conference, a couple of weeks ago, and I am about to take the stage as the opening keynote speaker in front of thousands of people (both in person and a worldwide online audience). The thought kept going through my head, "It's time to be like Terry, so I can also help people heal," and I did.

I stood on stage and shared parts of me with the audience in raw vulnerability. Previously, I had shared my own story with groups of dozens and even 100+, but never on this scale.  I also shared a message of hope about the difference between Recovery vs. Sobriety.

I know true recovery is possible because I've experienced it firsthand.

For years, I was ashamed.

On this day, the shame was gone.

I stood on stage, brought my story into the light, and busted many myths. The ones I used to hold onto most tightly were:

"Sobriety is the same as recovery."

"You just need more willpower,"

"You have to hit rock bottom before you can recover."

"Once an addict, always an addict."

That last myth hit deepest. Oof! I took the title of “addict” as a major part of my identity. I now know it is a straight-up lie. This is not a life sentence. It can be overcome for good.

Here's the thing: most people aren't addicted to pornography; they're addicted to shame. And that title perpetuates the shame. Currently, 91.5% of men and 60.2% of women have looked at pornography in the last month. I share this stat because most people, just like me, feel like they are the only ones with the problem, not realizing it's 9/10 men and 6/10 women who struggle with it.

It's a global issue. It’s not just you, and you don’t have to go through this alone.

In my past life, I would wake up with a feeling of dread and a very familiar pit in my stomach, wondering if today was my last day of sobriety. Now, I wake up with a sense of peace, confidence, and gratitude knowing I am living in recovery. I now live a life without the constant compulsion. It is possible to live an unchained life full of growth, joy, and self-compassion.

Please reach out if you're struggling. I get it. Let’s talk. There is so much hope!